For Those About to Rock... Good Luck...

This summer I'll be embarking on a grand journey to the mid-west state of Oklahoma in hopes to rock harder than I ever have in all my years of existence. Along with my noble sidekick (read: boyfriend) we shall have an adventure that far surpasses the magnitude of any other adventure that precedes it. One festival. Three days. Thirty bands. 9,998 people with enough Aquanet in their hair to last a century. More cut-off-acid-washed shorts in one area than in the rest of the world! More neon colors and bandannas than humanly possible! Crazy? No way, man! It's rock and roll, 80's style! Quite possibly the most fun time for music in the short history of the subject. So far, the anticipation for this festival is absolutely killing me.... that, and they haven't announced all the bands yet so I'm biting my fingernails in hopes they don't book bands like Dangerous Toys or Jackyl.... it's bad enough Pretty Boy Floyd and the Bullet Boys are going to be there. Kind of a hit and miss with some of these bands, but the bonus in this equation of awesomeness is that I've got a golden ticket. The key to the emerald city. The magical VIP pass that means I don't have to share my experience with peons who couldn't shell out the extra couple bucks to be swanky. Drew and I will be perusing in and out of air conditioned tents, hobnobbing with rockstars and their friends and family and groupies who follow them around adoringly. It won't matter if we leave during Toxin's set, we'll be guaranteed a spot at most 13 rows back! I don't think I've been more stoked for anything ever! (Am I rambling on? You're darn right I am!) Here are the bands that have already been announced, then you can get excited for me too! :: Twisted Sister, Scorpions, Ratt, Dokken, Warrant, Great White, Lita Ford, Slaughter, Michael Schenker Group, L.A. Guns featuring Tracii Guns, Firehouse, John Corabi, Enuff Z'nuff, Faster Pussycat..... and from there it goes downhill pretty quick: Pretty Boy Floyd, Bullet Boys, Steelheart, Lynch Mob, and Toxin. For the most part you can tell why I'm stoked...

Anyhoo, what was I saying? Oh. A tricycle.... because a vest has no arms....

No, no. It's not for another three months so I'll be forced to deal with my antsiness. I'm sure I'll post more about it as we get closer to D-day.... but in the meantime, here are some songs I do indeed recommend for your own personal rock concert:

Warrant- 32 Pennies not only is it one of their best songs, but.... no, it's their best song.... Good lyrics as far as the 80's go, and it's not too hokey on guitars.

Ratt- Lovin' You's A Dirty Job is the truth....

Twisted Sister- You Can't Stop rock and Roll I hear it every week at RocknRoll trivia at the Haunt in Ithaca, but there is a certain staying power behind the song that makes it enjoyable to listen to over and over again.

Scorpions- The Zoo it's not one they play on the radio all the time so it get's bonus points for that. Also there is something about not understanding half of the words Klaus says that makes the song great.

Dokken- It's Not Love good groove to the song, and Don Dokken's voice is so smooth no matter what song he sings. Lyrics aren't cheesy like some other glam band's tunage.

Great White- Rock Me they are soooo not a hair metal band! They are rock and roll... if they came out in the 70's that's what they'd be labeled as. This song proves their rock-bluesness.

That's really all the time I have today kiddies. Stay tuned for your local programming.....

Just When You Think Things Are Going Great.....

Two things are certain in life. Death and taxes... right? What about making mistakes? What about forgiveness? These are two things I've noticed happens a heck of a lot in life. I don't care how young or old you are, everybody makes mistakes. SO when people make mistakes you usually forgive them, unless it's something that is unforgivable (i.e. cheating on someone). I've made my fair share of mistakes in life... some of which I can't believe I've been forgiven for. Most recently I've made one of my cousins extremely mad because I couldn't go to one of her Dr.'s appointments. Maybe I've understated it. Maybe I'm not seeing the bigger picture here. Maybe I'm insensitive, but I don't understand my mistake. I apologized for not being there, and I thought that should have been alright. Again, maybe I'm not seeing the big picture. I've always been there when she needed me... for 22, almost 23 years of her life I've been there for her... and now, because I missed one single Dr.'s appointment, she's ready to cast me out of her life. Am I shocked? No. I got to say I saw this coming. Everyone has to have one person in life they can blame things on... it's human nature not to take responsibility for your actions. No one wants to be blamed for things. If she wants to make me out to be this horrible person because of one little mistake, then I'm flattered she would pick me to be the bad guy. At least she was thinking of me. That in itself is sweet. With all of the hormones going haywire in a pregnant person's body, it's nice to be thought of for 2 seconds of the day.... even if it's a loathing hatred she has of me. However, I'm still confused on the why..... another diagnosis mystery i suppose. I hoped all the apologizing I did would've been enough to wayside this mistake. I mean, one can only apologize soooo much for one tiny mistake before it's just ludicrous... right? Well, I'm Sorry!! Again.... hopefully you can forgive this one little action and know that I've done so much else in your life that should make up for this. Especially when there was no one there for you and I was.... that should count for something.... right?
oh well. Check me off for my mistakes made this year.... I think I'm done.... no, wait... people make mistakes all the time! THAT'S RIGHT! hmmmm...... what will I do tomorrow to screw things up for myself? Tune in next week as the plot thickens for our heroine......

Heavy Meadow...

First and foremost, Happy New Year's!! Two-oh-one-oh! So far so good. Four days in and I'm still sticking to all of my new year's resolutions. That in itself is a record. Resolution #1: Spend more time with friends and family. Sounds like a generic good thing to do, and really it's the best resolution one can have. #2: Don't miss any work. I don't know about you, but I get sick a lot during the winter season so I miss a lot of work. I don't care how sick or dying I am this year, I'm going to work 'cuz I need the money for resolution number 3.... Save money to move! Check. Doing well so far. And last but not least Resolution #4: Work on being a rockstar! Not the easiest thing to strive for, but when one is given the gift of rock n roll one must spread the rock!(ha ha...)
I've been working on this dream for about 4 years now. I have one CD and an Ep out with the band I'm in, SKooBER. (Feel free to check us out myspace.com/Skoober) We've come to a standstill within the past six months or so due to lack of a whole band. However we're working on new music and when we move we'll be looking for a new band.... and a new name for our new band. Shedding the SKooBER name will also allow us to grow and make a different kind of music... Rock n ROLL? HEAVY METAL? Folk?... ehhh, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it.
In other news,I recently finished reading a book by Chuck Klosterman called Fargo Rock City. In that book he tells about the importance of heavy metal,( glam metal, hair metal) and the effect it had on his life. I grew up with the same music... and though I'm part of a different generation, that music makes me feel the same way. When I listen Poison or Cinderella I get a surge of energy and I feel great, like nothing can get me down because this music is fun and carefree. Lyrically, some of these songs are absolutely ridiculous, but if you can get passed the aqua net then maybe you can listen to the meaning behind some of these fantastic tunes.
My point is simply this..... uhh... I had a point I'm sure.... no. No point... I just like to hear myself think.... It's a cleaver way to waste your time and mine and get you to maybe check out my band if you haven't already..... and I do this so well.... I get rambling in a tangent and it seems like I'm going somewhere with it and then >BAM!< you realize the story has gone nowhere and you are stuck feeling slighted and used...... well in that case I'm sorry. To make this semi-worthwhile, I'll give you a list of 10 songs you should check out from my favorite decade of decadence, the 80's: (in totally random order)
1.Krokus-Midnite Maniac From the killer riff in the beginning to the very end, this is a perfect example of why the 80's was such a great time for music.... ridiculous lyrics about a sex crazed woman with every intent to fill her every desire at midnight.... not to mention a wicked guitar solo by Fernando Von Arb (whom ever he may be....).
2.Alice Cooper- Freedom If I had to choose any Alice song it would be this one for the 80's purely for the fact it embodies what he was about right then and there. After struggling with alcoholism for many a year he overcame the addiction and finally he had the freedom to talk, the freedom to rock with 1987's Raise Your Fist and Yell. Check out the whole album if you want to here some earsplitting guitar noodles by Kane Roberts and lyrics that fit the era of "shoot first ask questions later" heavy metal.
3.Whitesnake- Still of the Night I like David Coverdale's voice.... and this song is bitchin' dude... fer sure.
4.Guns N Roses- Nightrain A big difference from every other song on this list... Guns N Roses rocks harder with more vigor than any other band from the era... go ahead and argue with me if you want, but if you do I'll cut you for one basic reason: Slash! One of the best guitarists in the universe, he really does a bangerang job on this song and the whole album, Appetite for Destruction.... end of story.
5.Poison- Ride the Wind If you like songs about freedom in the summertime, than this is certainly the song for you.
6.Kix- The Itch The little band out of Maryland does a great service to the sex crazed teens of the 80's with this snazzy little ditty. Totally worth a listen.
7.Mötley Crüe-Same Ol' Situation(S.O.S.) It's the Crüe for Pete's sake, picking a song by them is like picking a favorite child.... especially off the phenomenal album Dr. Feelgood. Too many good songs to chose just one, but this song in particular has a great drum beat in the bridge that makes you tap along vivaciously. Also a wonderful little guitar riff delivered by one of the most under rated guitar players ever, Mick Mars.
8.KISS- Hide Your Heart So the 80's wasn't the best decade for KISS, and this is probably not the best song from that decade. BUT I love the video for this song, and the chorus rapes your brain for days.
9.Cinderella- Bad Seamstress Blues/Fallin' Apart at the Seams Another very under rated band from the 80's, clumped in with all the other hair metalists of the time. The lyrics delivered by Tom Keifer are sure to make you think twice about making the mistake of calling Cinderella "just another hair metal band".
and last but not least...
10.Enuff Z'nuff- Fly High Michelle Delivered to us at the end of the 80's, the self titled first album by the group gave us a good look at what songs should sound like by a band who can not spell properly...... all joking aside, Fly High Michelle is only one of the power hits from this band's first album and certainly the only one on it with a girl's name in the title:)

So, there. Now go and Bang your Head..... metal health will drive you mad....

If You Want To Be Happy In A Million Ways.....

As the Christmas season is slllooowwllyy dwindling to a close, it makes me ecstatic to know I won't have Christmas music raping my ears any more. However, this season is not entirely humdrum and overbearing. It's the meaning behind the presents, behind the religiousness, and behind the insanity of spending every last dime you have just to complain while you stand in line for 30 hours as you look around and hear everyone else complaining about standing in line for 30 hours... etc... NO! The meaning behind this Christmas season, this specific Christmas in particular, is being with family and friends.
My family is very broken and in all parts of the U.S. My mom's side of the family lives in PA, with the exception of my cousin Starr who lives all the way out west in Idaho. My dad's side of the family lives in PA as well. My Dad lives in Horseheads, Mom lives with John in Millport, and my little sis lives in SC. I may not get to see everybody all the time, but I always know they're there if I need them.... AND I'll get to see my mom, and dad, and John, and Nik for Christmas which is the greatest feeling:) Maybe I'm just a sap. Well, I know I'm a sap.... but, I'm very excited to actually feel excited for Christmas.
Another reason I'm so excited for Christmas is Drew and his family. They make me feel so welcome and loved. For Pete's sake they let me live with them.... that's pretty nice and welcoming. I wish I could give them something more for Christmas. They've given me so much already. Drew has been the best part of this year, and having him as a boyfriend and a best friend is all the present I need this Christmas season. With all these people who care about me.... all my friends who are all over the place, the ones I don't talk to all the time, the ones I can't see all the time.... ALL this love all over the place is enough to make one want to explode! (eww.....)
So, with all my heart I want to thank you all for sharing your lives with me and making my life more full and worth while. Have a merry festivus........ or Christmahannakwanzaka.... and a partridge in a pear tree.

Remember, it'll be OKAY?...

There are no words to capture the feeling of missing someone. It's a hole in your heart. It's a pain that won't go away. It's an emptiness. It's all of those things, and none of those things. If you can relate, then I'm sorry.... no one should have to feel this way. If you can't relate, and I hope you can't, then congrats... I hope you never lose anyone in your life.
I don't want to be sad today. It's 3 years ago, today, that my grandma passed away. I want so bad to remember her and not be frustrated and cry, cry .... oh, do I cry! ugh! I have no way of telling her how much I miss her. No way of letting her know how dumb I was as a kid and how much she meant to me. I'm not writing this in hopes that she's looking down from heaven and can see how much I care for her still. I'm writing this in hopes that maybe I can lessen the pain in my heart for today.
My grandma, or Grams as I called her, was more like a mom to me. My sister and I lived with her and my father for almost 9 years. Before my sister was born, my mom, dad, and I lived with Grams and grandpa for about 2 years before we got our own place. Grams was a very sweet lady. She was funny. She loved to sing. She never wore make-up, just a little bit of lipstick to brighten her face.... oh, and on Halloween she loved to dress-up. She didn't swear. All these things don't even explain her to the fullest... there is no way I can make you understand how wonderful she was.
She had cancer. She had cancer on almost every organ in her body at one time or another. She didn't die because she had cancer. There was a hole in her small intestine... probably caused by the treatments for her cancer.... but the hole wasn't able to be operated on because her white blood cell count was so low..... and there was nothing anyone could do for her.
I feel like it's all my fault. Irrational? yup. Impossible? maybe. Why do I feel this way? so many, many reasons....
I digress. She's in a better place... she's not in pain anymore. She's in heaven with grandpa Bates and they're both looking down on us and smiling. Remember, it's okay. Everything is okay. It'll be alright........... when? WHEN WILL IT BE OKAY? 3 years. It's not okay yet. I'm not okay yet. Does it hurt any less? NO! It hurts more. There are events in my life that I want her to be here for. There are memories that I want to share with her. There are parts of her life that I want to know more about. I was far too young to ask her the questions I want to now. AND I'LL NEVER GET THE CHANCE!
Again, I digress.
I'm sorry to be so sad. I'm not emo. I'm not going to cry into my diary while i carve chunks out of my inner thigh...... eww, and ow. However, if that's how you cope, then cope away. I don't know how. Maybe I'm stuck being sad about this forever... I don't want to be. I want to wake up on December 15th every year and treat it like any other day. Oh well. Life goes on, until it doesn't anymore.....

...And Now For Somethng Completely Different

HO! HO! HO! And a Merry almost Christmas to everyone. With the holiday on it's way I'm stuck here wondering " What would I do if there was a zombie apocalypse?".... have no fear kids, I've done far more than the credited hours of research to help you and I live through a zombie overthrow. So if you are wise you'll take a few minutes out of your daily schedule and gander over these fine helpful hints!
Tawni's Do's and Don'ts of a Zombie Apocalypse

Do: Make sure you have plenty of weapons! Baseball bats, pitch forks, hedge trimmers... or any sharp pointy object is very useful! Guns are great, but they run out of ammo. Try not to rely totally on the help of a firearm. Another handy tool for massacring the living dead is a blow torch and some gasoline.

Don't: A chair, a bicycle, and telephones when thrown at the face of a zombie will not bring the zombie down. COME ON PEOPLE!! Think rationally! Do honestly believe that hitting the undead with any kind of object that won't take their head off is effective at all?? If all you have around is stuffed animals and a set of matching velor pillows you cuddle up to every night, then put your head between your knees and kiss your arse good-bye.

Do: Having a posse around that has access to food, shelter, and weapons is very helpful. There are no more minorities, no reason to be racist, and most certainly this is no time to be pig-headed about whom you befriend. It's the living vs. the recently un-deceased.

Don't: Having a posse is great!... just don't get too attached. Having a friend for life or family member with you will only make you more susceptible to getting killed. If you can't picture living your life without the people you're running for your life with, then you're as good as dead. You've got to assume everyone is gonna die.... and I'm not saying that you shouldn't guard them with your life. What I'm saying is, if Granny Smith gets bit in the arm by a zombie... you better be willing to plunge a knitting needle through her ear, or it'll be you next.

Do: Look for other signs of life. If this is just a normal zombie outbreak, then animals are immune. Finding a home where the buffalo roam is a great idea....if they haven't been eaten yet, and you won't be either. However, if it's like 28 days Later, then animals can carry the virus and you're not safe around birds.

Don't: Being around the people you are with is great, be secure in knowing you have people to chat with....... So don't be dumb and go looking for other groups of living people. If you are in a safe and secure place, then stay there (unless you run out of supplies). If there are other living, breathing human beings out there let them find you.... and hope they have the cure (NOT the band the Cure, because they won't help you at all).

Do: Make the most of the situation. If you are lucky enough to be in a super Walmart* or held up in a mall, then consider yourself one of the people who are gonna make it through this blip in world history. If you're not one of those people, then just do the best you can with what you've got. Hopefully you'll be able to tell your story to the future generations.

Don't: Freak out! That helps no one, and going into hysterics only makes others root for your demise. You have to keep a level head or you're as good as dead.... good little saying to remember in case. Oh, and if you aren't the one freaking out, but you are in the presence of someone else who isn't taking the situation well, then try to be sympathetic..... or if you can't take it, slap them. It sounds harsh, but a good smack on the noggin might be what they need to snap out of their heightened hysteria.

Now, remember, I'm not an expert. I'm just a normal lady who has a ridiculous obsession with protecting the ones I love.... and a ridiculous obsession with horror movies. If worse comes to worse, then at least you've got these helpful hints. If not, then I'm just as crazy as Dwight Frye.....

All Too Soon... Sooner or Later...

As another year of closes to an end, I'm just now creating what is sure to be the greatest blog page of all time, space, and dimension.... no wait.... what I mean to say is one of the greatest ways to waste time of all space and dimension. Pressing on to the topic at hand: The end of another year, the beginning of another adventure.
There are so many things that happen to one's self during the course of a year, it's hard to look back and remember all the important events that made the year a whole. I've realized this year, that there is more to life than there seems to be. Not to say I've been blind to the fact that life holds so many wonders... but I was very naive in thinking my life was to head down one certain path. There are so many people like me who go through life and stick to the safe route so not to get hurt or hurt others. Sometimes you've got to be more than just an android walking around sector 3-C, emotionless, useless, and only existing because you exist. For once, I feel like I'm living my life. I may not be cliff diving or being as extreme as one can be... but with one change in my life, I feel very much alive........ This would be the part where if I were any other kind of person, I'd say something like " My name is Tawni and I'd like to introduce you to the power of Christ....." BUT, I'm very much agnostic, and I've never been one for propaganda.... especially the church kind.
Actually, the only change I made in my life was taking a stand for myself. Finally getting the courage up to do something I was dying to do. It turned out for the best, and even if it didn't work out, at least I did something for myself. At least I didn't go one more day thinking "What if I do this?"..... LIFE IS TOO SHORT!! I'm only 25.... BUT I've been through a LOT!! I've seen friends come and go, I've loved and lost, I've beaten and been beat.... err... uh... no. I mean there is no reason to hold yourself back from doing what you want. No one can stop you... only you. Life Lesson # 257.... stop being a wuss! Now I've got some plans of my own, and adventures for the future that I can't wait to embark on.
FOR INSTANCE: Next year I'm moving to Maine. Getting out of this toxic town and trying to make something of myself is only a smidgen of the goals I have for next year....
Alright, I realize this post sounds an awful lot like one of those Motivational Speaker's "You Can Do It" speeches... and I promise this is the last one I'll ever post. I've just noticed a lot of people I'm close to go down a dismal path. They can't drag themselves out because they don't want to. They are comfortable in their misery. I can only hope for them that that is the case. That their lives, as horrible as they make them seem, are exactly what they want to do until they die. (I can't imagine that it is, or else they wouldn't cry about it every time I see them.)
Sadder still are the ones who are in a dark, dark place where all they have is their misery (and alcohol) to keep them company. Congrats on being a hermit, losing your wife, kids, and most of your brain cells and liver functions. That kind of person is not what I want to become... and if you're smart, yee'd be wise to steer clear of that path to, arg ye matey!
I digress. Here's to the future. Forget about the past. Live this year, like it's your last. 2010, Reach for the Stars!!! (cue a picture of a unicorn on a rainbow with a teddy bear on his back singing "We are the Champions".)